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19 December 2009 @ 01:58 am
i've been thinking. so hard.  



***

i know nobody reads this. i know a lot of people don't really know me. I honestly didn't care for LJ this year and I remember when i used to be obsessed. I also remember..my past.

nobody knows but i suffer. i'm not that depressed girl twenty four seven but the problem is..I let all of my feelings in and I have been for almost 3 years. It hurts, it fucking hurts.

I try talking to my family and they aren't help. And my friends? ohmygoodness, nessa has none! Well okay, maybe I do but they aren't one of those friends that I can hang out with. They have their own friends. I have some internet friends and i am SO thankful for them but i hate putting all of my drama on them, like they already don't have enough!

so i look at other girls who are so drop-dead gorgeous and natural and i'm like.."what do they have?" they act like they have nothing. I know everyone has problems. No one is perfect. I'm not going to die..but I feel like why should i be depressed? I'm not in a bad situation, it's just that I hate struggling. I want to be happy again.

sigh, it's not that easy. Maybe the new year will bring happiness?

Because 2009 was the WORST year of my life.

I sound so emo, I know.

You know what else i have been thinking about? How much i have changed. I have grown up and i have learned who i am. I recently have been thinking about my old friends. I lost so many. I can count about 10. It hurts me so fucking much. In 2008, I lost a good friend of mine and it hurt me to pieces. How would you feel losing one of your BEST friends? We joined a forum and she was like soooo like me and we've been talking for awhile but then i had mess it up. -sigh-

The forum i'm on is MileyFans.net. It's amazing. I've been on for 3 years and I can't imagine leaving..I will eventually but i don't know when. I met SO many people and lost most..it sucks.

but oh well.

i shouldn't keep bring myself down.

i do it so easily. like this stupid damn site omegle.com ? you talk to strangers and shit and so i gave this guy my fb link where he can only see my default (my profile is private) and he said "you're fat."

sad.

oh well, it's true anyway.

^^^

oops, see?!??!

so im going to leave it to there.

whoever reads this,
i love you soo much!!!

***



MERRY CHRISTMAS AND HAVE A HAPPY NEW YEAR OR AKA HAPPY HOLIDAYS!!!
 
 
Location: alone, at home.
Mood: blankblank
Musica: nick jay.
 
 
 
lovexgrace: Taylor Swift || untouchable like a distalovexgrace on December 19th, 2009 05:35 pm (UTC)
Aw Vanessa. 2009 was definitely my worst year ever, too. We are so alike.
Elizabethdarlingdivine on December 19th, 2009 09:02 pm (UTC)
2009 sure has been an interesting year - full of good and bad. I hope you have you a wonderful holidays and all the best for the new year! <3
nessa bieber: pic#95295733paint_itpinkxx on December 20th, 2009 05:02 am (UTC)
aw you too! i hope 2010 brings all the best!
kaitlynrose_144kaitlynrose_144 on December 19th, 2009 10:23 pm (UTC)
wow, i know how you feel so muchh
life sucks
nessa bieber: pic#95295869paint_itpinkxx on December 20th, 2009 05:03 am (UTC)
hey do you wanna talk? :) my aim- missnessxo
or just reply here, it's fine. [: