Log in

19 December 2009 @ 01:58 am
i've been thinking. so hard.  


i know nobody reads this. i know a lot of people don't really know me. I honestly didn't care for LJ this year and I remember when i used to be obsessed. I also remember..my past.

nobody knows but i suffer. i'm not that depressed girl twenty four seven but the problem is..I let all of my feelings in and I have been for almost 3 years. It hurts, it fucking hurts.

I try talking to my family and they aren't help. And my friends? ohmygoodness, nessa has none! Well okay, maybe I do but they aren't one of those friends that I can hang out with. They have their own friends. I have some internet friends and i am SO thankful for them but i hate putting all of my drama on them, like they already don't have enough!

so i look at other girls who are so drop-dead gorgeous and natural and i'm like.."what do they have?" they act like they have nothing. I know everyone has problems. No one is perfect. I'm not going to die..but I feel like why should i be depressed? I'm not in a bad situation, it's just that I hate struggling. I want to be happy again.

sigh, it's not that easy. Maybe the new year will bring happiness?

Because 2009 was the WORST year of my life.

I sound so emo, I know.

You know what else i have been thinking about? How much i have changed. I have grown up and i have learned who i am. I recently have been thinking about my old friends. I lost so many. I can count about 10. It hurts me so fucking much. In 2008, I lost a good friend of mine and it hurt me to pieces. How would you feel losing one of your BEST friends? We joined a forum and she was like soooo like me and we've been talking for awhile but then i had mess it up. -sigh-

The forum i'm on is MileyFans.net. It's amazing. I've been on for 3 years and I can't imagine leaving..I will eventually but i don't know when. I met SO many people and lost most..it sucks.

but oh well.

i shouldn't keep bring myself down.

i do it so easily. like this stupid damn site omegle.com ? you talk to strangers and shit and so i gave this guy my fb link where he can only see my default (my profile is private) and he said "you're fat."


oh well, it's true anyway.


oops, see?!??!

so im going to leave it to there.

whoever reads this,
i love you soo much!!!


Location: alone, at home.
Mood: blankblank
Musica: nick jay.
lovexgrace: Taylor Swift || untouchable like a distalovexgrace on December 19th, 2009 05:35 pm (UTC)
Aw Vanessa. 2009 was definitely my worst year ever, too. We are so alike.
Elizabethdarlingdivine on December 19th, 2009 09:02 pm (UTC)
2009 sure has been an interesting year - full of good and bad. I hope you have you a wonderful holidays and all the best for the new year! <3
nessa bieber: pic#95295733paint_itpinkxx on December 20th, 2009 05:02 am (UTC)
aw you too! i hope 2010 brings all the best!
kaitlynrose_144kaitlynrose_144 on December 19th, 2009 10:23 pm (UTC)
wow, i know how you feel so muchh
life sucks
nessa bieber: pic#95295869paint_itpinkxx on December 20th, 2009 05:03 am (UTC)
hey do you wanna talk? :) my aim- missnessxo
or just reply here, it's fine. [: